by Why do I blog? I don’t even know…
I often wonder if the other bloggers on this website face a similar doubt.
Well, it isn’t really a doubt. It is a predicament. It is a life of predicament.
From: http://liftmyarm.com/, noted because I fear being sued all the time. The site is about shoulder pain if you’re interested in checking it out.
Blogging is in itself a predicament, at least for me. I think with everything we do we reach out for human contact, reaching out on the internet if we aren’t satisfied with our own lives, with the people around us. And even then this problem is not so much the people around us, it is a reflection of ourselves, or for me it is. I have lots of wonderful people around me, I have a loving family, I go to a well-ranked school and am in a department that supposedly guarantees me some success in the world if I succeed within its own boundaries as a school, I have several close friends, I have numerous far friends, I find little joys in life like private movie viewings, like listening to Peter Gabriel too loudly, like the meal I’m eating now, tilapia I cooked with several helpings of herbs. I fill myself a lot with these, indeed, there is a whole blog, The Universal Yellowkeys, devoted to me fulfilling my need for music (the fact that the blog is wildly successful compared to what I’d ever hoped makes things even better on that front). There is no predicament here, or there shouldn’t be.
So why reach out on the internet for human contact/comfort/support? Perhaps it is instead an ego boost?
I find myself comparing what I write to what the other writers here post (I post very little of what I write… indeed, I would normally not post this as it pushes the boundaries of what I should reveal while maintaining a cold enough barrier between myself and you for the sake of civility). I don’t tend to fare well compared to them. They’re truly beautiful people, I hope you pay attention to what they’re saying. They are beautiful in that they have purpose. It makes me wonder why they blog… a lot. What is their need? Do they have problems with their self-esteem? Do they feel unfulfilled by their day to day lives?
How do we (they more so) so calmly and coolly post our opinions on educational life? Education itself is falling down around us, educational inflation tearing apart the elitist structures that maintained a society so split between the educated and the uneducated. People complain about it all the time. “Why do I need a masters for what used to need a bachelor degree? Why do I need a PhD for that job for which I used to need a masters?” Where does that even leave doctorates?
It doesn’t look good for education in general. Perhaps the nice thing that will come of this is that people will have so much access to education they’ll stop entering the academic system just for the riches that seem to lie beyond. The old cliché that money doesn’t make happiness is unrealistic, but I think one could justify saying money doesn’t complete happiness.
I’m not really sure what you use to complete happiness… willing to take a stab at it though. A lot of people use religion… won’t get into that for now.
Fulfillment of goals may complete happiness, but this is by far too broad. I’m so jealous of many of the people here at McGill. Being the number 1 school in Canada for the time being, you could understand why there are hundreds of students who go to school for the sake of school. These are the people who are succeeding in school, not the people who enjoy school. Indeed, usually the people who enjoy school make mediocre grades. This isn’t about those sorts of people though, as I tend to be one of them, guilty of both enjoying school and making mediocre grades, and there isn’t really much for me to say about them. More power to them, I suppose, may their inadequacies in other parts of their lives be filled by their own spirit and energy.
This is more about the other sort of person, who obsesses about school and whose source of happiness and purpose and fulfillment escapes me. I’m also curious about whether this is the sort of person that the other bloggers here are. I’m sure they are to some extent. They tend to blog about school (though I admit we are encouraged to). What makes them tick? It drives me half-mad as I so desperately wish to emulate them. They manage to summon spunk and courage and intellect and personal power from nowhere and motivational posters appear to fly out their eyes as they conquer galaxies of marks and assignments. Are they really that happy? What fulfills them? What gives them this passionate love for their fellow man? What makes them so admirable that we even call them Type A.
They leap from goal to goal, bounding across pits of despair when they overreach and plummeting to depths of love when they meet someone they are compatible with. Type B people tend to do the same actually…
It is a way of life that astounds. Christ would be shocked, perhaps dismayed, to see it, though surely even he would be jealous of it. Gandhi certainly didn’t have so many laughs. Buddha would sagely nod and smile and enjoy their enjoyment.
There are certain people who just shine with life. I was lucky enough to be dating one for awhile.
Maybe the road to awe and happiness is enjoying their enjoyment, never being jealous (or death, I suppose, mid sentence, realized I almost quoted the Fountain, but I certainly don’t want to bring death into this as it spans too many topics in any case, so much so that I’m making it a part 1).
This is why I am determined to be awed by these others on MyMajors. When I said they are beautiful people I do truly mean it. Look at the sorts of things they are doing. I hope they don’t do them because they feel they aren’t good enough and they push themselves constantly towards new projects to fulfill gaps in themselves. I especially admire the religious people, for they have an inner strength in their belief that allows them to stave off doubts about their purpose.
Well, it isn’t really a doubt of my purpose. It is a predicament. It is a life of predicament.
Part of my predicament now is returning to talking about school, something that doesn’t glide off my fingers like this did. Normally I’d go back and reread what I’ve written to make sure it’s coherent, but I’m not going to this time. I fear I’d lose my nerve and delete too many sentences.
The above is me. Unedited. Probably with numerous grammatical errors and perhaps repetitions, please forgive those.
While this may not have been a proper heart-to-heart about anything that’s torturing me in life, and while this may not have touched on anything that has tortured you in life, I hope you’ve enjoyed it. Part 2 will be coming soon, maybe I’ll include some examples next time. Nobody here knows I write for MyMajors, so ‘the girl’ across the hall, for example, wouldn’t know I ever mentioned her. Nor would the girl at McGill for whom I’ve desperately risen know I ever mentioned her.
not entirely sure what i’m doing here… but that’s ok!
those are the best time, in some ways (decided to add some pictures though)
